You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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