Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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