Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
