i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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