is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
nutella sex= disaster
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
