She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
