dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
