The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
