Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
