he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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