Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
