It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize