I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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