Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize