it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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