the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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