I heard we made out
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
