What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
