new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
