I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
