Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
