WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
