i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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