So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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