im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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