Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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