seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
