i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
