we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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