Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
