We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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