Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
