I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
