is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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