Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
