Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
