Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
there is glitter all over my balls
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