Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i out mim tonsoeep
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
