mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
