sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
