walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
