Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
