You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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