cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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