Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
