Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
