Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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