You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
