Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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