I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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