i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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