i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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