i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
