I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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