Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
