Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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