His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
