all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
