If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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