I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
