grandma shit on top of the toilet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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