She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
