Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
