My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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