Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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