Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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