There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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