i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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