Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
